i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
