My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
