In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cannot find my penis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.