If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
