just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.