The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
did i just pee glitter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...