he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
