I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is