First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.