You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
