i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
