Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
