I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
