Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
