how can u be prego again
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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