I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
