oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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