What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
