I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
