That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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