The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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