Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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