Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
