I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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