if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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