Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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