please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
