I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
