you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
