Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
