I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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