just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
