I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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