god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
