New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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