i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
