I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
