I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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