We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
