I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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