Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
