just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
