so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
