When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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