someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize