Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
