Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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