Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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