I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
