I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
