Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wear drunk well.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
