I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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