I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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