Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
