I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
