its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
