I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
