on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
