she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
