dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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