I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
