how can u be prego again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
