Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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