What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
