; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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