Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
