you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
