so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
