remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
