don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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