smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
