I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
