FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
