ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
