He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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