I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
