And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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