You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
