I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
