I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
