Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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